


911

by neolithicdream



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-19 02:45:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4729853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neolithicdream/pseuds/neolithicdream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They are not together. And that is fine.  Callie has her girlfriend, Arizona has hers.  They aren't friends. All that binds them is their daughter. But the correct response to a 911 page is to run. That much hasn't changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When it's  911 you just run

**Author's Note:**

> My little fangirl heart beats on in fanfic. This is one of my many fantasy takes on how they come together. There will be significant others mentioned and harsh words exchanged but this is still pure Calzona.

Instinctively she'd broken into a run. Well,after all, that's what you do when you get a 911 page,right? 

She remembered explaining that to a hapless member of a documentary crew once just after they'd asked her to slow down to facilitate the camera operator. Arizona shook her head at the memory. God, that felt like a lifetime ago now and, in a way it was. What, four, no five years ago? After the shooting and before...well before everything else.

Before planes and trucks, before Africa and pregnancies, before a baby and a miscarriage. Before a marriage that wasn't fully legal and a dissolution that most certainly was.

She remembered another urgent page too, on her first full day back after her amputation. Karev ran, so did Kepner and some intern or other. She hadn't run though, hadn't ever imagined she'd walk steadily without her cane again never mind break into a sprint. That felt like a lifetime ago too. She could run now, fast sprints or slow leisurely jogs. Which reminded her that she'd signed up to run a 10k for charity in three months time. How on earth had she let Lucy convince her of that? And when would she have time to train for it?

Anyway she'd sort out her girlfriend and her running woes some other time. now she had an urgent page to answer, or did she? When she'd got it she just ran. Because it was 911, not because it was Callie. Not because her ex-wife sent her a page and certainly not because her ex-wife had paged her to an OnCall room. Well she could honestly say that that part was true anyway because the very last place she would ever want to see Calliope Torres was in an OnCall room.

No, these days Callie plus 911 page meant emergency, urgent and probably Sofia. They avoided paging each other like the plague these days. Avoided each other full stop these days except where it was unavoidable. They'd tried, or Arizona thought she had tried to be friends but, at the end of the day she didn't want to be Callie's friend. Once upon a time she'd desired to be her best friend but that position never became available, not really. And by the time Mark's death created a vacancy she and Callie had already started down the path to their inevitable destruction. They seemed to both realise around the same time that they couldn't, shouldn't, wouldn't be friends. So they co-parented and they co-owned a hospital and that was pretty much it. They were civil, sickeningly so, when in each others company but as they were only ever in each others company when their mutual friends were around,the civility was out of respect for their friends rather than each other. Or so Arizona thought and she had plenty of time to think in the slow tortuous elevator ascent to the 12th floor on call room.

No-one took the second elevator on the right when they were in a hurry. It was the elevator from hell, far slower than any other in the hospital. It also was quite notorious for stopping between floors for no good reason before jolting into movement again. The elevator technicians assured the Board it was perfectly safe just temperamental and as the cost of fixing it outweighed any benefit the elevator from hell ( also known as the elevator of romance) was avoided by Doctors in a hurry but frequently used by Doctors in love or at least in lust. God knows she and Callie had had their fair share of sweet moments in that elevator. The memory brought a brief smile followed by a deep lasting frown.

But when this page came she had panicked. Because Callie hadn't paged her directly for a medical reason in months so it had to be about Sofia, or her parents so she'd hopped in the elevator without even looking which one it was and now she was stuck, moving at the speed of treacle giving her plenty of time to think. To think and relax, to think some more and get annoyed. Sofia was at school, safe. So the page couldn't be about her. And if it had been then it wouldn't be to the most out of the way OnCall room in the entire hospital. It was beside Dermatology and let's face it the Doctors in Dermatology who pretty much worked 9 to 5 had no need for OnCall rooms. Her parents? But that made no sense for she'd had the talk with both Barbara and Daniel. In case of emergency contact her pa Charlotte, her right hand woman in the Department of Fetal and Paediatric Surgery or Dr. Alex Karev or The Chief of Surgery Dr. Bailey or, if she wasn't working, her neighbours Mr. & Mrs. Peters or if really desperate her girlfriend of the last few months, Dr. Lucy Hansen, Deputy Chief of Veterinary Medicine at Seattle Zoo. No Dr. Callie Torres did not even make it into her top 5 emergency contacts these days.

So what possible reason could Callie have to summon her with a 911 to outer Siberia? Arizona, finally now released by the elevator , strode angrily down the hall towards the room. her anger was to protect herself, she just knew that whatever Callie had to say it wouldn't be good, at least not for her. Dragging her to a part of the Hospital on the pretence of an emergency page could mean only one thing. Callie had news, news she knew Arizona wouldn't like, wouldn't take well so she had dragged her here so that none of their friends would overhear. So that no one important might see Callie in anything other than a perfect light. She was the devoted wife who had nursed her ungrateful wife back to health, the martyr who had worked so hard to perfect a better prosthetic for the woman who repaid her by sleeping with a practical stranger. She was the cuckolded wife who forgave. The wife who left her home because her unhappy wife wanted to move only to find that moving made her no happier. Callie was the one who just wanted another little baby to love married to the woman who just loved to operate on little babies.

Callie was the good wife, Arizona was the bad one. It was black and white, no shades of grey. Arizona was fairly sure that's how most of their friends saw it, saw them. She certainly hadn't ever felt inundated with understanding or concern from any of their mutual friends. And at a time when she barely had the energy to fight for anything other than Sofia she certainly hadn't ether time nor energy to spend cultivating sympathy from colleagues. She didn't cry in Joes, didn't emerge puffy eyed from storerooms after loud crying jags. Didn't complain either about being alone, or the lack of sex. No Arizona had done her crying alone for the most part. April and Alex being amongst the few exceptions. Her parents being the others.

And eventually she'd gotten over it. Gotten over everything. Her misplaced anger. The loss of her leg, of her friends; of her belief in joy and her ability to see it. The loss of the tiniest of tiny humans that had lived but briefly inside of her. The baby that might have saved them. And the ultimate loss, her Calliope. She'd survived that too.

And now here she was. Thriving as a Double Board certified Fetal and Pediatric surgeon. A new relationship, the girlfriend word casually dropped without fuss into the conversation a few weeks ago. Her parents visited more often than before, anxious to spend time with their beloved Sofia. She'd even moved to a small but perfectly formed 3 bedroomed house a few months ago. 

Life was good.  
She had survived and life was good.  
It was.

 

Was Callie about to destroy that? Was she going to announce that she was leaving Seattle? Taking Sofia from her? Her heart clenched at the thought as did her fists. They had just returned from Miami, Sofia had talked endlessly about the beach and Tia Aria's chihuahua and Abuelo's really really big boat and most of all she'd talked about her Abuela. "I have an AH - BWEH -LAH, Mama. Did you know that, Mama? She's like Abuelo except she's a girl!!! She's Mami's Mami! " And it was all Abuela said this, and Abuela did that.

Was that why Callie wanted to see her now? To tell her that now that Lucia had somehow gotten over her bigoted homophobic self Callie was going to move closer to her family? 

Or was she going to tell her that she had decided to take the next step with whatshername? Tiffany. That was her name. She seemed a perfectly nice, if somewhat vacuous, girl. She was thirty,looked younger; worked in PR for the Seattle Seahawks and Callie and her had been dating for several months now. 

And that was fine.  
Absolutely fine.  
Callie had moved on a long,long time ago.  
And so had she. She had moved on. She had Lucy now and Callie had whatshername.  
Which was fine.

But was that it? Was she moving Tiffany into their home? Was she engaged? Getting Married? Fists and heart clenched involuntarily again, this time Arizona shook her head as if berating her heart for such foolishness.

She breathed deeply, steadying her emotions. Whatever the bombshell she had to remain calm. Reminding herself she had rights over Sofia, Callie could not take her without a fight but it would be a fight Arizona would have to fight with her head. Losing her temper would help no one.

And the other thing? Well if Callie wanted to jump into the shark infested waters of matrimony again well that was her problem. If someone else got to be the wife of Callie Torres so what? She didn't even like Callie anymore, never mind love. 

Tiffany could have her, lock stock and wedding ring.  
Right?

 

She knocked firmly on the OnCall room before entering. She was ready for whatever her ex would throw at her.

 

One glance upwards by Callie as Arizona entered was all it took. One fear etched glance and Arizona was undone. Anger dissipated in under an instant. The low level ever constant annoyance she carried with her gone too. Something was wrong. Callie was upset, that much was clear. A barely visible track of tears stained her cheeks. But it was more than just upset, more than nervousness too... was it fear? 

And that was all it took. All it had ever taken for Arizona. Seeing Callie cry, upset, worried? It stirred something in her, always had, probably always would. Maybe that was all that would tie them in the end. When all the love was gone, when even the memory of that love would fade eventually, when Sofia was all grown up and an adult, maybe all that would tie them together were their tears, their fears.

So be it. She realised in that moment. She never ever wanted to not be affected by Callie's tears. She never wanted to not care enough to be there for her when needed. She didn't have to love or even like Callie but she would always have to care. She really hoped Callie would always care too.

 

"Callie?" she whispered, "...what's wrong?"

 

Callie just stared at her momentarily, "You came?" She shook her head, a tiny smile ghosted passed her lips "...I wasn't sure you would, I mean..."

"911..." Arizona's smile was fleeting, hesitant, "... You don't ignore 911, right."

Callie's smile disappeared, nodding in understanding, in realisation. Arizona came because it was a 911 page. That was all. That knowledge surprised her by the hurt that accompanied it. And yet she was surprised that she was surprised.

"Im sorry, I shouldn't have...I mean technically it's not...there's no fire, no emergency, it's not..." Her words trailed off, her head shook almost imperceptibly.


	2. She'd acted purely on instinct.

Instinct.  
She'd acted purely on instinct, or rather her fingers had.

She really didn't think her neural synapses had been engaged at all. If they had she certainly would not have paged her ex wife 911 to an OnCall room.

Jesus! An OnCall room of all places! If it had been an exam room or a consult room or even her office but no, it was to an out of the way OnCall room. What must Arizona be thinking? Well Callie could answer that one alright. Arizona would be thinking that her selfish uncaring ex was a complete...well...selfish uncaring bitch. 

Which was so unfair. All she'd ever wanted was Arizona to be happy. And herself too. But was that so awful? To want to be happy? To want it to be easy and simple and nice? She'd walked away but she did that for Arizona. And ok for herself too, but also for Arizona.

Arizona had been stuck and deserved better. Arizona deserved the world. Arizona deserved more than to be stuck in an endless circle of sadness and regret and hate and apologies and recriminations. And so did she. So she had walked away. Pulled the plug. Switched off life support. Because their marriage had been on life support for so long. They were a terminal case. And in the end she was the one brave enough to call it. She should have been awarded the Congressional medal for bravery or some such.

And it hadn't been easy. Walking away from Arizona, from their marriage. No matter what Arizona had thought. Well it had been easy, actually. Maybe not easy, definitely not easy but it was easier. Easier than staying. And maybe it had been cowardly and selfish and all the other things that Arizona had accused her of those first weeks.

But so what? So what if it was a crazy insane conflicting mixture of cowardliness and bravery,and exhaustion and selfishness and selflessness and love and hate. She had decided to walk away. She had taken destiny by the scruff of the neck and controlled it, controlled her destiny for once. She refused to be pummelled by the waves of destiny and fate again and had instead done the pummelling. Refused to be left again, refused to have her heart broken again. No, this time she had shaped her own destiny. Her own and, as a consequence, Arizona's too.

And she had been proven right. So it didn't matter anymore what her motivation had been. She made the decision and it had proven to be the right one. 

 

For her.  
For Arizona.

 

Arizona had flourished with the ending of their marriage. Sure, those early months she had looked on the brink of exhaustion constantly. But that had as much to do with her fellowship as anything. And she was the one who chose to do a fellowship. She was the one who put that first, ahead of her family. Ahead of their bid for surrogacy. Arizona had put her own needs before everything.

And sure she would have given it up. That last day in therapy made that clear. For them. For Callie, to save their marriage and she could have allowed her to give it up. It would have been so so easy that fateful last day in Therapy

But Arizona had given up enough for them. Callie realised that, but for her, Arizona would have realised her dreams in Africa. In Malawi. And God knows what that might have led to after. But she gave it up. And she would have given up the Fetal Medicine fellowship too, eventually. And they'd have stumbled on, maybe even convincing themselves to expand their family. But in the end, it would have ended the same way. In a maelstrom of resentment and bitterness and anger and hurt. 

 

Destiny will out.  
So much for controlling destiny.  
Their destiny had always been this.

 

And now Arizona was happy.  
She was.  
Happier than Callie could remember her being.

What she was doing in the field of Fetal Surgery was,well, awesome. Simply awesome. Well so Addison told her. Addison had flown in for a conference a few weeks ago and they'd caught up over a late night dinner and some wine. It had been a last minute thing but thankfully it had been one of Arizona's nights with Sofia so she and Addison had talked and drank into the wee small hours. 

Addison had been happier than she had ever seen her. Jake was clearly the one for her and motherhood suited her in a way she had never imagined possible. They'd swapped stories about their kids, about cool surgeries and of course their love lives.

"So this girl, Tiffany? Is she the one? Or just the one for now?" A rather tipsy Addison enquired with a smile, adding,"To be honest I would have laid down good money that you'd have gone back to penis by now." And she had laughed

"Addison Forbes - Montgomery! Ssshh..." she had blushed before explaining yet again, for the umpteenth time that that was not how it worked. That she was bisexual if she had to label it, fluid, that it was the person who attracted her not their genitalia and that for her information she had dated both boys and girls since Arizona and... that's when she noticed Addison was laughing and sporting a self - satisfied smirk, "...you're just yanking my chain."

Addison had nodded, smiled, laughed, then suddenly seeming far more sober repeated herself, "So this girl, Tiffany?"

"She's great..."

"And...?"

"It's great. She's nice and...being with her is simple and easy and nice...there's no drama...it's lovely, actually."

"Lovely." The way Addison said it Callie couldn't decide if it was a question or an accusation or just a word.

"Is it love?"

"Oh, Addison! really? We're not teenagers, you and me. You know as much as I do, you've lived. I mean love? Who knows what that is? If its even real, or if it is is it really anything more than an emotional manifestation of lust, you know?"

Addison's sole response had been a subtle raise of one perfectly manicured eyebrow.

"Maybe it is love." She'd said it somewhat defensively. She didn't need one of her oldest friends psycho-analysing her relationship and having it come up short, comparing it unfavourably to past relationships or one past relationship in particular.

"Well then, lets drink to that, to easy and simple and nice, and no drama." Addison was letting her off the hook and they both knew it. 

 

A few more sips of the very expensive Chablis and Addison mentioned her recent co- surgery with Dr. Robbins. 

"Arizona?"

"Well, how many Fetal surgeons by the name of Robbins do you know?"

"Don't be a smart-ass, I just didn't know you two talked, never mind had a co-surgery."

"Don't worry we don't talk about you. We talk about surgery, and our kids, and the Californian drought and climate change. Donald Trump's hair gets discussed a lot and whether the Great British Bake Off is fixed." Addison smiled and shrugged. 

It was left unsaid but Callie got it. They didn't talk about her, any topic under the sun but her. But the reason for that was probably not the reason Addison thought.

"She doesn't talk about me because there's nothing to talk about."

"Hmm..."

"We don't talk. There is nothing left to say.We only talk about Sofia. I have no idea what's going on in her life and...."

"She's seeing someone." Addison added

"I know."

"Seems serious."

"What? No. Is it? I mean it's only been a few..." Callie shook her head, "...maybe it is, like I said we don't talk."

 

Addison changed the subject, started talking about the surgery they'd had together in LA a few weeks ago. Saying how her reputation was growing exponentially. Wondering how much longer Grey Sloan Memorial would be able to keep her.

"What?" She shook her head, as much in incomprehension as anything.

"She's turned down a couple of offers already."

"How do you...she told you that? I don't think she'd leave Seattle, she has a pretty good team here and she's on the Board, a part owner of a Hospital, I mean she's not going to get that anywhere else, is she?"

 

Addison had shook her head and changed the subject again.

 

It had made her think though. About Arizona. About Arizona leaving. About what that would be like. It's not like they were in each others life's anymore but...still she was there. In the same building, the same city. She saw her nearly every day at work, sometimes just a glimpse of blonde hair bouncing as she turned a corner, sometimes it was an awkward silent trip in an elevator. Or sharing pastries and coffee at a Board meeting. But Arizona would not leave, would she? She'd left before, for Africa, but hadn't stayed gone and that was before Sofia. She wouldn't leave Sofia, would never leave her little girl. No. She realised that now. Arizona would never leave again.

And apart from Sofia, she had that woman now. Dr. Doolittle. Callie smiled at her own wit. She'd met her twice, briefly. Neither intentional. The first time she had been out to a bar with Tiffany. She'd heard the laugh first, Arizona's laugh, a full deep throated laugh that she'd fallen in love with once. A laugh that had been rare enough in the last years of their marriage. Heard the laugh, then seen an older blonde woman with a stern face lean in and whisper something that just made Arizona laugh even louder. Arizona's broad smile tightened appreciably when she spotted Callie. The introduction was awkward. The woman was her 'date'. A veterinary surgeon. She was older than Arizona, which had surprised her. Older. Cooler. Detached.

She didn't seem her type, she couldn't quite see what Arizona saw in her that night. She was attractive enough but not warm or bubbly or vivacious. She heard Arizona laugh again a few minutes later, but this time it was a more subdued affair.

The second time they'd met Arizona had not even been there. Seattle Zoo had equipment designed to deal with large animals and Callie had an extremely morbidly obese patient in need of an MRI. They'd chatted briefly, Dr. Hansen talked about her kids and Callie ignored the sharp pain that flared in her gut with the realisation that her ex was dating a woman with kids. It turned out her youngest was 17. She'd smiled at Callie's expression,

"We got married when were still in College, I was 6 months pregnant and I was terrified to face my parents without a ring on my finger. Two babies later I had to face them anyway to tell them I was going to be a gay divorcée, literally." And when she smiled Callie had seen it. What Arizona might like about this woman. She knew exactly who and what she was. Cool,calm and confident. Very different to Arizona's ex, the polar opposite to her.

 

And if that's what Arizona wanted well that was Arizona's business.  
Completely.  
Nothing whatsoever to do with her.  
Totally nothing.  
If anything it served to show how utterly ill suited they had been.  
Absolutely.

 

Callie was happy now too. She no longer had Arizona to worry about. She was no longer responsible for her happiness, just her own. She didn't have to care anymore about anyone except herself and Sofia. She didn't have to worry about being enough, or having enough. She had all she needed. Sofia was all she needed. Anything and anyone else was a bonus. 

Tiffany was a bonus. A sweet bonus. Tiffany liked her just the way she was. Neither wanted anymore right now. They were just happy in the moment. The future was a world away. She had met Sofia but only as a "friend", she didn't want to push that any further right now. No their relationship was light and frothy. In a way she'd never had that with a woman before. Her and Erica had been shocking and intense and terrifying. And she and Arizona had maybe a few weeks of froth and joyful sweetness before the disasters began to pile up.

Being disowned, becoming poor. George. 

From the start stuff had just happened to them, or around them. But Arizona never flinched, had remained constant, like a rock she could lean on. Until she had pushed them to the precipice on the baby issue. 

 

Sometimes late at night she would think of all the bad things that had happened to her and Arizona and just laugh. It was like a bad novel, a melodramatic TV soap. No one, no couple could have endured it all and survived. Maybe one day she and Arizona would sit and talk about that and maybe they would laugh together. Like two old acquaintances meeting after decades, reminiscing about the good old bad times.

 

But that was an improbable future and right now, in the present, she was sitting on an OnCall room Bed, knees pulled up to her chest, wiping tears from her face.

 

She hadn't intended to page her. She hadn't intended to page anyone but especially not her. Neither her brain or her heart would have chosen that.

It had been pure unthinking instinct.

It made sense, on instinct. Arizona had been the one who had picked her off the floor before, sometimes literally. After her parents, after George, after the car crash. Arizona was the one who was always there to pick her up until one day instead Arizona was the one in need of being picked up.

So it made sense, for instinct to kick in, now that she was on the floor again. Scared,alone. 

Instinct had called on Arizona.

But Arizona wasn't going to pick her up this time. Why should she? It wasn't her place, her duty, her responsibility. not anymore. Thats what being set free meant. Freedom.  
No more obligation.  
No more stifling suffocating obligation.

 

She'd been fine this morning. She'd just made the appointment. It was no big deal.  
But then she had to go to Administration for additional paperwork. Because she was a staff member, it was some new protocol. She vaguely remembered a ring binder about new staff treatment protocols being passed around at a board meeting. And someone whom she'd never seen before, some low level office clerk, had smiled at her sympathetically and that was it.

 

She'd taken the stairs two flights down to hide her tears, then hearing footsteps, dashed onto the nearest floor and to the nearest empty room. An OnCall room, off Dermatology and instinct kicked in.

Instinct kicked in in the form of a 911 page to Arizona.

 

Arizona wasn't going to come. She'd figure out there was no actual emergency that could exist in an OnCall room. Maybe she'd ignore the page altogether or maybe she'd send an intern but Arizona herself would not show. 

Not for her.  
Not for a non- emergency to an OnCall room.  
Not for her 911.

The only time Callie herself had been called to an actual medical emergency in an OnCall room it had been Lexie who paged her. Lexie who had broken Marks penis and instinctively paged her. Callie half laughed half sobbed out loud. God she missed that. Them. All of them. Times that seemed so long ago and so innocent now. Mark and Lexie. Arizona and her. Pages to an OnCall room that would always be answered.  
She missed that, all of that.

And Arizona.  
She missed her most of all.

And then the door opened, a shard of light entering the room; enough to illuminate the Blondes face. A face that seemed momentarily hard but instantly softened.

 

"Callie? What's wrong?"


	3. Next time I won't come running.

Previously

"Callie?" she whispered, "...what's wrong?"

 

Callie just stared at her momentarily, "You came?" She shook her head, a tiny smile ghosted passed her lips "...I wasn't sure you would, I mean..."

"911..." Arizona's smile was fleeting, hesitant, "... You don't ignore 911, right."

Callie's smile disappeared, nodding in understanding, in realisation. Arizona came because it was a 911 page. That was all. That knowledge surprised her by the hurt that accompanied it. And yet she was surprised that she was surprised.

"Im sorry, I shouldn't have...I mean technically it's not...there's no fire, no emergency, it's not..." Her words trailed off, her head shook almost imperceptibly.

 

"But you did. You sent me an emergency page and I came running." In times of confusion Arizona had always found it helpful to state the obvious.

"I'm sorry..." 

Arizona sighed loudly, part in concern, part admittedly in annoyance, "So what? Nothing's wrong? There's no problem?"

Callie's subdued tone would have worried her even without her words, "No...there is something...well there might be....but it's not your problem, you can go...its not..." She trailed off into silence.

 

This is why they couldn't be friends thought Arizona. Whenever she tried to be a friend, Callie swatted her away like a buzzing fly. She'd done the same when Arizona tried to be all happy and jolly about Callie dating again. Hell she'd even suggested potential dates for her at one point only for Callie to tell her she was being inappropriate and that her help was neither required nor welcome. And this was from the self same Callie who had accused her of being jealous when she'd warned her off a potential dating nightmare.

And now she was doing it again. She had paged her not the other way around. A 911 page too and now Callie was dismissing her without so much as a by your leave. 

"You know what? Fine!" Arizona huffed and turned to go. "But next time don't bother paging me because I won't..." Her rant was interrupted as Callie's hand grabbed hers, a firm strong grasp in total contrast to the tone of her voice that followed,

"I, I found a lump...I ..." The words that followed went unheard, drowned out by the near deafening sound in Arizona's head, the thunderous thumping of her own heart, the sound of dread. 

Arizona was not a world class surgeon.  
Not now.  
She was not a Doctor.  
Not now.  
She was not a former resident who'd done two rotations, one medical, one surgical in Oncology.  
No.  
Right now she was just a person who'd heard those dreaded words, "I found a lump."

 

As Callie's grasp on her left hand lessened she turned back, swallowed hard and tried to steady her voice. Callie's eyes were cast downward, at her own feet so she missed the look on her former wife's face, unguarded fear mingled with something else.

She sat down on the other bed in the narrow OnCall room. Facing Callie, their knees almost touching. And broke the silence that had engulfed them since Callie's words.

"A lump? What...I mean, where, what...?"

Callie lifted her eyes and pointed to her left breast and inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly. 

"Ok, right..." and Callie noted that as Arizona spoke she did that thing she always did when she was thinking, a few short nods of her head, almost as if she was agreeing with herself as to her next words. 

"Arizona..."

But the blonde shook her head silencing her. "Callie...it's...its probably nothing..you know the numbers..." She squeezed her eyes shut trying to remember the most recent statistics she'd read, a random image of Lexie Grey and her eidetic memory flashing before her, ".... 80% of lumps are..."

Callie finished "...completely harmless, cysts or benign ..." 

"Yes, exactly!" Arizona nodded with enthusiasm. "And even where a tumour is detected the stats are...wait no...we don't have to even think that way because its not...it's just a cyst or..."

"Yeah, right?" Callie replied and they fell into a brief silence, their eyes never quite leaving each other.

 

"When?"  
"What?"Callie answered Arizona's question with her own.  
"When did you feel the lump?"

"Oh, right...uhm...it was the other week, on the beach... I thought I felt something pull slightly but I thought it was just my new bikini was uncomfortable and..."

"In Miami?" Arizona spoke as she tried to rid herself of entirely unwanted and inappropriate images of Callie,the beach and a bikini.

Callie nodded, "...but then when we got back my mother had brought Sofia to her beautician and had her ears pierced and I was so furious that..."

Arizona couldn't help but smile. She'd been concerned, no not concerned, flat out worried about her daughter's trip to Miami. It was one thing for her ex-wife to expose herself to the potential of more rejection from her Mother but exposing their daughter was another thing entirely. It had caused some trouble between the mothers. Actually it was the cause of a short but very intense and loud argument. It was the closest thing they'd had to real emotion between them in a very long time. So when a near hysterical Sofia had phoned her in floods of tears while in Miami she had immediately assumed the worst.

Those barely distinguishable words interspersed with heart breaking sobs, "Mama! . Mi Abuela!" And several gulped sobs later, "my Mami" and finally what sounded like "meanie." Callie had then grabbed the phone off her and spoke hurriedly in a flurry of Spanish finally changing to English with the words, "I am going to kill my mother."

Never in her wildest dreams did Arizona think she'd feel sympathy for Lucia Torres but that day she did. She might never forgive that woman for past behaviour but by all accounts on their trip to Miami Lucia had pulled out all the stops. The red carpet had been rolled out, especially for Sofia. Sofia had come home really believing she was in fact Princess Sofia of Miami. After all her Abuelo and Abuela lived in a castle and she had been brought to the "awesomest places ever" where all the people knew her Abuela's name. And that included a trip to the Beauty parlour where Sofia had her first manicure, her first pedicure and her first body piercing. Callie had reacted to the latter as if Lucia had allowed her daughter to be mutilated and all hell had broken loose. She really hadn't helped matters by saying, "Callie, it's only her ears, I bet they look really cute." Callie abruptly ended the call.

 

"... And then it's been so busy since we got back....that....but then I felt something last night so I checked and then... I found...I mean I think I did..." Callie spoke hesitantly, stress evident in her voice, low as it was.

 

"Look, you check yourself regularly, every six weeks so it wasn't there what...a month ago, right? So it can't be anything to..."

"Uhm...well I haven't been...not as regularly as...well..." Callie said nervously, she knew what was to come and she wasn't disappointed

"Calliope! What? You know how important this is..." Arizona spoke in what could only be described as an angry but controlled shriek, "...how important to thoroughly examine your breasts on a regular schedule, you know this, you know that..."

 

It had been only a couple of weeks after Karev's wedding that Arizona had asked Callie to check her breasts adding shyly "...and I can do yours if you'd like."

She had laughed and, teasing her lover, had added "Honey if you want to feel me up you don't have to make up excuses and I'm very happy to grope you on demand."

Cue a long, very long lecture about the importance of regular self examination. It turned out Arizona had been deadly serious. Her paternal grandmother, whom she had never known had succumbed to breast cancer in the seventies and when Arizona was a young teenager Barbara Robbins had undergone a partial mastectomy. It was a subject very close to Arizona's heart. 

It had become their thing. Every 4-6 weeks they would examine each other in a loving and tender but thorough way. Once when she'd been tired and grumpy she'd declined only to see a tear escape down Arizona's face shortly after. Embarrassed by the rogue tear Arizona had mumbled "It's important to check and I don't want to lose you to something stupid and..." Callie had never refused again. And mostly when they'd finish there would be a little (or a lot) more touching, this time of a far less clinical nature.

Arizona had stood up in mid- rant,then realising just how inappropriate it was to be shouting at Callie in the circumstances, had sat down again, muttering a low apology.

 

"I know...it's my own stupid fault if..." Callie whispered but was cut off when Arizona grabbed both her hands with her own, encasing them in a firm grip, "No." Her voice was as firm as her grip, "It's not your fault, it's no ones fault, it's just a stupid cyst and..."

"... it's the stupid cyst's fault." Callie added, with a smile. Arizona had nodded with a reciprocal smile. And just for a brief moment they sat there,smiling, agreeing,with hands entwined. 

Just the two of them.

The sound of a clatter outside broke the spell, both releasing their grasp simultaneously, Arizona biting her lip nervously, Callie doing likewise.

"I made the appointment with the Breast clinic today and its for tomorrow and then I kind of freaked out and came in here and...then I paged you...and I'm sorry."

Arizona shook her head, about to tell her it was fine, that after all that's what friends are for, when you're scared or worried, that there was no point hiding away being lonely and afraid when you had people who...

" I'm not even sure if its real, if its a real lump...maybe I'm imagining it...I thought maybe you could check and see if its..."

"You paged me to do a breast exam on you?" 

"uhm, yeah...I..." She'd just thought of it now actually, truth was she'd paged Arizona without thinking. On instinct. But she couldn't tell her that, her ex-wife, the woman she'd walked away from that.

 

"Ahh, uhh...I ..." She was hurt or something like that. Or maybe angry. Then again hurt and anger had become almost irrevocably intertwined in her dealings with Callie in the last few years. Ever since that damned plane fell from the sky. So intertwined she wasn't sure she could tell them apart anymore. "... I'm not sure if that's a good idea, I mean it's not...uhm..." The thought of laying her hands on her wife's, no, not her wife, her ex-wife's chest seemed,well it seemed wrong "...its not appropriate."

"Why?" Callie seemed genuinely perplexed. "I mean you're a Doctor, you know how to carry out an examination, and..."she suppressed a giggle "...It's not like you're a resident and I'm harassing you?" She'd smiled but quickly stopped as she saw Arizona's face. She tried a different tack "I mean I kind of freaked out when I thought I felt something, but maybe I was just panicky cause its personal but you, you can be cool and clinical and dispassionate even." That only seemed to simply to deepen Arizona's frown however and then she had stood and turned to walk away.

"Arizona, please?"

Arizona curbed her emotions, closed her eyes, pushed her tongue into her right cheek and sighed, "Fine, lets get this over with, shall we?" If Callie saw her as a cool dispassionate medic well that exactly what she would be. "Can you open your shirt Dr. Torres?"

 

Arizona's tone confused her, the "Dr. Torres" part even more. A minute ago they'd almost felt like friends, now Arizona was treating her like a patient, a stranger.

Still she did what she was bid, then unclasping her front-opening bra leaving herself exposed.

Arizona turned, sat beside her and about to lay her hands on her just paused. Covering her hesitation she briskly rubbed her hands together saying softly "Cold Hands. 

Callie immediately finished the old saying "Warm heart" and smiled nervously.

Arizona smiled too and began.

Her touch was as gentle yet firm as Callie had remembered. She hadn't quite thought through the implications however when she'd asked Arizona. That much became perfectly clear as soon as Arizona touched. The effect on her nipples instantaneous as Arizona's fingertips prodded her left breast. She'd blushed, then had shut her eyes tight as she murmured her apology. She kept her eyes shut, fists clenched in the rough sheet covering the bed as Arizona worked on. 

To Callie, Arizona seemed unaffected however, her breath even and steady as she worked until she paused, at exactly where Callie had hoped she wouldn't. 

" You feel it too." She asked quietly, pointlessly.

"Yeah." Arizona replied, a brief moment later, then almost silently mouthing the additional words "damn it."

 

As she readjusted her clothing Arizona had said it was small, repeated the comforting statistics once again, then as she stood up to leave said, "I know it may seen unnecessary, I mean you're a surgeon and all...but I think you should bring someone with you tomorrow, you know? As a patient advocate. It may seem silly but tomorrow you're not a Doctor you're a patient and maybe you could ask a friend, maybe Meredith or...maybe...your..."

"Can you come? My appointment is for 11o'clock?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, please Arizona, I mean you'll be calm and ...."

"Cold and dispassionate." Arizona added before agreeing hurriedly, adding in a rush "I've got to go, research for my surgery tomorrow, I'll see you at 11 in the morning so." 

Callie watched her leave, the OnCall room automatically closing behind her. That woman never failed to confuse her these days. She blew hot and cold, so changeable that Callie wondered sometimes if she'd ever known her at all. She'd been a mystery to her half the time when they were married so it was hardly surprising that she still was now that she was a virtual stranger. And anyway right now she needed to be selfish and worry about herself. Arizona and her incomprehensible mood swings were not her concern anymore.

 

********************

"Bailey!"

Chief Bailey turned to see exactly who was shouting her name from across the concourse.

"Robbins, you yelled?" She asked sarcastically. She was Chief now and had made it clear she intended to run a tight ship. Especially when it came to her surgical staff. Far too much personal business had interfered with the smooth running of this hospital in the past but not on her watch. She expected her surgical staff to keep their personal business where it belonged. Which was away from her and away from her Hospital.

"Sorry, Chief...I..."

" You ready for our surgery later?" As Chief she didn't have as much time to devote to surgery as before. That was inevitable with the constraints of the job but it meant she made the most of every hour she did spend in the OR. Today she was assisting Robbins in a Fetal surgery on a woman 24 weeks pregnant. The foetus had a heart defect so severe that it was unlikely to survive the trauma of birth but Robbins had a plan to change that. Arizona Robbins had developed into a renowned Fetal surgeon in a remarkably short period of time. And Miranda Bailey knew that it was only a matter of time before an offer too big to turn down came for her. In the meantime Robbins was still one of her surgeons and she relished the opportunity to watch her work.

"About that I'm going to have to postpone the..."

"Why? has something happened to our patient? You said the window of opportunity for the surgery was..."

" She's fine ...for now...I just need to postpone till later today, about 2" 

"Why?" Arizona missed the "Nazi" like tone in her Chiefs voice.

"Oh, I have a scheduling conflict earlier that's all."

"And I have a husband and son who expect to see me tonight. So I'm going to need a bit more than you have a scheduling conflict, Dr. Robbins."

"You may be my Chief but I decide the hows the wheres and the whens of my surgeries, Dr.Bailey." Somewhere between a plane crash and a divorce Arizona Robbins had lost, along with many more important things, her authority issues. Especially when the authority figure was someone she'd once considered a close friend. "And my scheduling conflict is personal and you don't do personal,ok?"

Miranda Bailey considered this woman to be her friend, a friendship that may have cooled somewhat for reasons both known and, to her at least, unknown, but friend or no friend she was the Chief and that deserved more respect than the Peds/ Fetal surgeon had just given her.

"Doctor Robbins..." The sharp tone was not missed this time and Arizona just sighed saying "Not today,ok, Miranda, don't let's do this today" and for the first time Bailey heard exhaustion in her surgeons voice. an exhaustion that was mirrored in her face.

"Arizona? what's up? You look absolutely terrible."

"Gee thanks."

Miranda gently guided her companion to a small concealed seated area and then repeated her earlier question, "What scheduling conflict?" And this time she asked as a friend.

Arizona just shook her head but even if her authority figure issues were a thing of the past that did not mean she was a match for the patented Bailey stare.

"I have to go to the breast clinic this morning for..."

"Arizona, are you..."

Baileys concern was evident which on another day would probably both annoy and please her but today wasn't about her, nothing about this was about her. It was all about her ex. And yet, as she'd spent last night tossing and turning all she'd wanted to do was talk to somebody about this.

 

"Oof...what the..."

"Sorry,Lucy. I didn't mean to kick you or...or wake you."

"It's ok babe, are you ok? You've been distracted all evening and...have you slept at all?"

"A bit." Arizona lied. She and Lucy had planned this evening out for weeks coinciding as it did with both Lucy's daughters being away and the premiere of a Kurt Cobain/Nirvana documentary that Arizona was really excited about. But all she could think about was tomorrow and the what ifs that tomorrow might bring. When they'd got home o Lucy's she'd been genuinely exhausted. She'd lied when Lucy had asked in concern, there was no way she was going to tell her wonderful girlfriend what was actually on her mind. that would have been unfair on so many levels so she'd mumbled something about a big surgery and pressure at work instead.

"C'mere..." Lucy whispered, enveloping her in a bear hug, then settling again, she as big spoon, Arizona as little spoon, "... try to relax and get some shut eye."

 

And now it was morning and Callie hadn't asked to keep it a secret and she wasn't bound by patient/ client confidentiality but could she tell Bailey? Should she tell Bailey? She absolute believed the news would be good,that her fitful night sleep would have been much ado about nothing. But what if Callie's lump was part of the 20% that wasn't harmless? And what if she was part of the even smaller percentage again that didn't have a good outcome? What then? Callie wouldn't need her then. she would need a friend. Not someone she saw as cold and unfeeling. Not an ex wife. she would need her friends and in the hospital Bailey was one of her closest.

"Arizona...?" Bailey repeated.

"No, no it's not me, Im fine it's for..." She hesitated, "...I'm not telling you this because you're Chief or a Doctor ok?" She waited for some acknowledgement and after a brief pause Bailey nodded and Arizona continued, "I'm teling you this because you're a friend, because you're her friend."

Miranda Bailey waited. 

"It's Callie."

She quickly gave her the Cliff notes version of yesterday and what was to happen today. Bailey remained silent till she was finished. Only nodding in agreement when Arizona reeled of all the positive statistics including the ones she'd brushed up on last night.

"So she asked you to do a Breast exam yesterday and you felt the lump?"

"Yup." 

"That must have been awkward?" Bailey asked, quietly wondering to herself why on earth Torres didn't ask her or even Meredith Grey both of whom she was far friendlier with than her ex-wife.

"Yeah," Arizona half smiled, half laughed and as an afterthought, "Well it felt awkward for me, Im not sure it was for Callie, I'm not sure she remembers that's here was a time when we used to be..." She just shrugged resignedly.

"Thats not true, Arizona." Bailey said gently. She'd listened in the nearly 18 months since the two had, to the surprise of their friends and colleagues,separated apparently amicably. Robbins true to form had said next to nothing to her about it. She suspected that she had been more vocal to her closer confidantes. Torres had been the one to tell her, telling her it was mutual and for the best. She'd wondered sometimes how mutual it was as sometimes Callie would say something or hint at an underlying bitterness towards the blonde. Then other times she just seemed freer and happier and lighter. Still it had been sad. There had been times when the two women had seemed so damn happy, so perfectly in tune. Before the plane crash they'd seemed the epitome of a happy couple.

"Whatever, it is what it is." Arizona shrugged. 

Arizona promised to let her know as soon as possible and in any event they be meeting up later for the surgery.

 

 

As she walked down the corridor to the exam room in the Clinic she had felt lighter somehow. Telling Bailey had been good. She guessed a trouble shared sometimes really was a trouble shared. 

She opened the door cautiously, sticking her head in first. Callie was there, already in a hospital gown.

"Hey."

"Hi." She replied. The sight of her wife in a hospital gown brought her back.The last time she'd seen her wear one was during her recovery, in the aftermath of the car crash.

 

It felt like a lifetime ago.  
It felt like yesterday.


	4. Life is unfair. Horribly unfair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't hate Callie although I do feel her character has been assassinated somewhat on the show last few seasons. The Callie I love , still love, bears little resemblance to the one I've seen or heard about in later seasons. I'm writing her here deliberately insensitive, selfish BUT her insensitivity and selfishness is coming from cluelessness and residual hurt rather than out of meanness or cruelty. So if you're a Callie fan try to stick with me. Snd if you're an Arizona fan well so am I but she's not perfect either. Do you know what is perfect? Happy loved up Calzona! Sadly ain't no happy loved up Calzona here, yet. :-)

"Hi"

"Hey"

 

It was awkward.   
Sitting in the consult room of the newly refurbished Breast Clinic.   
Sitting there making small talk.  
Waiting.

 

"So the place looks great." Arizona finally spoke, waving her hand around the room.

"After the amount of money we and the Avery foundation have put into it should do."

 

Arizona, Bailey and Meredith had pushed hard for this. Along with several department heads. They wanted GSMH to be the "go to" hospital in the Pacific Northwest for,amongst other things,Women's Health. Arizona had argued that with the reputation their Peds, Obstetrics and Gynecological Departments had for many years coupled with her building reputation in Fetal Medicine they already cornered huge chunks of the female medical market already. She'd built a case that ensuring that the Hospital was a renowned centre of excellence for treatment of the most common cancer to affect women made complete sense. 

And so, after a lot of hard work and huge capital out lay the new clinic had opened a few months ago with the best equipment money could by. They'd also recruited far and wide across the US for the best cancer specialists. Little did Arizona think she'd be sitting here so soon and not as a Doctor.

 

"Yeah, I guess but..."

"Call Eye Op Torres?" A young woman with an iPad called out hesitantly causing Arizona to giggle nervously. The look Callie shot her had nothing on the look thrown the way of the young woman.

"It's Callie." 

"Oh, ok, sorry...it's an unusual name, Call Ee Op."

"No! It's just Callie."

"It's Calliope...." Arizona laughed, sobering up quickly when Callie glared at her again "...but no-one is allowed to call her that except..." she paused, just for a second catching Callie's eye, a flicker of something unknown crossing both their faces "...her father."

 

"Sorry... and I'm sorry I'm a little late, I'm new here and I still lose my bearing around the Hospital" the young woman apologised again, clearly a little flustered "...so my name is Annabelle and I'm going to take care of you today and the first thing we're going to do is..."

 

"No. We're not." Arizona said, all hint of laughter gone.

 

Callie looked at her in confusion.

 

"We need someone else, someone who isn't five." 

 

Callie went to apologise for Arizona but was interrupted , "No Callie, this is important, too important to be left to a, a Duckling, a baby Duckling at that!" She turned her sights on Annabelle. "How old are you? What are your credentials? Exactly how long have you..."

 

Annabelle smiled and nodded. Patients came into this clinic (and others like it) every day. Some came alone, others accompanied. Some looked nervous,others nonchalant. But she'd been doing this long enough to know that, regardless of how they presented, almost all were scared. And sometimes it was the family and friends who accompanied them that were the most scared of all. 

 

She pulled up a chair and sat down and faced them both.

 

"I get it. You're scared, you're nervous.." she noticed the blonde was shaking her head getting ready to speak so she addressed her in particular "...and you see me, a 'kid with an iPad' and ..." She shook her head and smiled "...I'm fully qualified, have been for five years.I'm new to this Hospital but not to the job, okay?"

 

"See, she's not a baby at all." The brunette spoke and raising one eyebrow, "You should really stop calling people babies...and newborns and...poultry" The blonde frowned and blushed and frowned again, muttering an apology to the room rather than the individuals in it.

 

You became pretty good at reading people in this job but this pair confused her.  
They didn't quite look like family although she supposed. Still they didn't give off a sibling vibe, not even a fighting siblings vibe. When she walked in they were clearly awkward in each others company yet they seemed oddly intimate too. Almost too intimate for friends. Too awkward too.

 

"It's fine. Really. And really you're in great hands. This hospital has the finest facilities, the best staff. You couldn't be in a better place. And now what we are going to do first is a thorough breast exam, mostly concentrating on your left breast where you've complained of a small anomaly...and then I'll arrange a mammogram and if necessary a biopsy. But firstly I'll carry out an exam."

 

Callie breathed in deeply, slowly exhaling. This was the beginning, she realised the ending was beyond her control. In fact pretty much all of it was. The young Doctor exuded confidence, she supposed it would put the majority of patients at ease. It might be true though, the old saying, that Doctors made the worst patients.

 

"Uhm...do you want me to leave for this part?" Arizona whispered.

Callie's answer was a puzzled look. And a shake of her head.

So she stayed as Callie laid back on the consult room gurney, opening her gown and allowing Dr. Annabelle to proceed to give her a very thorough examination, taking notes as she went. At some point, as the Doctor poked and prodded, hummed and hawed, tapped out notes on her iPad and manipulated her left breast Callie had tentatively stretched out her right hand until her fingertips touched Arizona's. And when the Doctor moved onto Callie's rightside Arizona simply moved silently to Callie's left and fingertips found each other again. 

 

Arizona wanted to cry. And she didn't quite understand why. This whole thing was wrong. Callie shouldn't have a lump. She shouldn't be there. Wanting to cry gave way to wanting to shout. In anger, in frustration. At the unholy mess that they had made. But she kept quiet and instead made small talk instead.

 

"So how long have you been at the Hospital?"

 

"This is my second week, I moved to Seattle from Chicago three weeks ago. So far it's been great, the facilities here are incredible, the powers that be, I mean the people who run the Hospital want it to be the best Centre on the Pacific coast so it was such an opportunity for me to work here..." As she rambled on, extolling the virtues of the Hospital it was obvious she had no clue as to the identity of her patient or her companion.

"... I miss Chicago though, I mean I don't know anyone in Seattle and, oh my God does it ever stop raining?"

 

Arizona smiled and remembered a young patient she'd treated a lifetime ago who'd complained about the rain, and repeated the words of a promising young intern called Alexandra Grey " I know, but that's why it's so gorgeous and green. And when the rain stops and the sun starts peeking through the clouds, there's nowhere else I'd rather be, everything smells fresh and verdant and... life feels full of growth and possibility."

 

Later, after the mammogram, Annabelle left to get what she needed to carry out the needle stick biopsy.

"Seriously, Arizona? Can you stop it already?" Callie huffed. She was scared. She'd kept hoping the Doctor would say it was nothing, to go away and stop imagining phantom lumps but instead she just kept doing her job. So she was scared...and annoyed...and Arizona was there...

 

"What?"

 

"Stop with the flirting, she's my Doctor for gods sake."

 

"I'm not flirt...what are you talking about?"

 

"Ooh Annabelle, you should go for a walk barefoot in the park just after it rains, the dewy grass feels so good between your toes..." Callie mimicked in a falsetto.

 

"I dont sound like that and I'm just being nice..." Arizona retorted, not bothering to conceal her anger "...and furthermore...I have a girlfriend and..."

 

"Oh, yeah, like that would stop you..." 

 

Callie saw the fleeting look of hurt on her ex-wife's face,masked almost immediately by stoney stoicism. She knew she was being a bitch. And utterly unfair. She knew that. But damn it, she had a lump and she might have cancer and she might...and she was beyond scared. And it wasn't fair. None of this was fair. And so she lashed out, because Arizona was there and because Arizona was her .. well Arizona was Arizona. 

And she was there.

 

And she didn't regret her decision of almost two years ago. The decision to walk, to leave, to leave her wife behind. It still felt like the right call, for both of them. She only had to look at Arizona these days to know that. Her ex-wife was freer, happier and more successful than ever. In her career, in her life. And she had a girlfriend now.

 

But still she was Arizona. The person who still evoked in her the strongest of feelings. Even if now those feelings were mostly anger and bitterness and sadness and...whatever. They,the two of them were still bound by something, maybe only by the past but bound no less. And life was unfair and, at times, horribly so. If life was fair, if life had been fair to them then they would still be a "they" and all the reasons why they couldn't, shouldn't and wouldn't ever be a "they" again shouldn't exist.

 

But the reasons did exist. And they always would. And life goes on.

 

And now she might have cancer. And if she wanted to lash out and be a bitch to the person who was only here to support and help then she would be. Surely today, of all days, she was allowed to be. Surely today she was allowed a free pass for bad behaviour?

 

She heard Arizona mutter, as much to herself as to Callie, "So much for forgiveness." And she muttered back, somewhat shamefaced, "Sorry" and silence was easier than speech. Even when Dr. Annabelle Smyth returned they stayed mostly silent. They spoke to her, looked at her,but not at each other, not to each other. It pretty much mirrored their relationship these days. No matter how the conversations began, no matter what the topic, no matter the context; if left alone they ended up in silence. Nothing to say that wouldn't lead to hurtful words and wounded silences.

 

And yet, and yet...

 

"Ok, so, based on everything I see so far, the mammogram, the blood tests, everything points to..." 

This was it. The next words out of Doctor Smyth's mouth could change Callie's life for good. Their lives for good. And they didn't speak or look at each other but two hands reached out and found each other all the same. Reached out and grasped and squeezed and held on tight. This was it.

"... nothing more than a cyst. We will drain it, it may be a quite sore for a few days, and then we will monitor you..."

Dr. Smyth spoke of new protocols, of all test results being reviewed by independent eyes, an independent test by another specialist who would not know the first Doctors prognosis. It was a means of ensuring that there were no false negatives, that nothing got missed. Just protocol. Nothing to worry about really. 

 

They listened but, for Arizona at least, the rest of her words were just meaningless. She was a Doctor and should have been interested in the typology of the cyst, the epidemiology and a hundred other tests and 'ologies' but all she heard was that Callie was going to be fine and nothing else mattered. 

 

Relief surged through Callie's body, exhaling loudly, almost leaping in the air with relief and joy. She smiled at the Doctor who smiled back. She beamed at Arizona who beamed back. Hands still interlocked. Neither grip lessened.

 

Arizona began to ask a question but before she'd finished Callie's phone rang. A picture of a slightly familiar face showing up on the screen. It was whatshername. And Arizona let go of Callie's hand.

 

"Tiffany?" Callie answered, Arizona tried not to listen to the one way conversation, hearing Callie say a variety of 'ok's, 'yeah's, and finally a "chat to you later" before the call ended. She turned to Dr. Smyth and said "So we are pretty much done here?" Dr. Smyth nodded and added 'I'm just going to give you a script for some pain relief and go get you some pamphlets about aftercare" and she left the room to do just that.

 

"So, do you wanna go get a coffee or maybe a doughnut or..." A still euphoric Callie asked. She wanted to celebrate.

 

"Tiffany must be relieved and delighted." Arizona blurted out in reply. She wanted to celebrate too, hell she wanted to throw her hands up in the air and yell and dance and...but Callie's girlfriend had just called adding a dose of reality to the situation.

 

"Oh, well...actually I didn't tell her about...well you know..."

 

"What? why not?" The Callie she knew was not one who hid her emotions. In fact she'd half expected to arrive to the clinic today to be met by Callie and her girlfriend and to be told her presence was surplus to requirements. Which would have been fine, kind of. 

 

"I guess I...well I didn't want to worry her really." She had thought about it for about half a minute but Arizona was going to be there so she didn't need her girlfriend too. And after all if it had been something serious well Arizona would have understood the terminology and the implications. If the news had been bad and Callie's world thrown into chaos it would be important to have someone knowledgeable there, to ask the right questions, to remember the answers. Her marketing guru girlfriend would have been out of her depth. And besides they were happy and she was quite happy to live in their light- hearted bubble for a little longer. No need to burst it with talk of biopsies and such like before absolutely necessary.

 

"Oh." Arizona's response was short and quiet.

"Yeah. I mean why worry family and friends and loved ones to death only for a completely harmless little cyst, right?" God she was relieved, so so relieved. She'd dodged a bullet and right now felt like she was walking on air. "I didn't tell my Dad either."

"Yeah, of course." Arizona's response this time was barely audible.

 

Callie was oblivious. "So how about that coffee, I'll even get you a rainbow sprinkled doughnut?" She smiled widely.

 

Arizona just stared back. As if she was looking at her for the first time. 

 

"Arizona?" 

 

Arizona just kept staring. Shaking her head and staring.

 

"Arizona?" Callie said more forcefully.

 

Arizona's only response was to shake her head and say, "You must consider me to be the worlds greatest fool..." then laughed bitterly before adding, "... maybe I am. But I'm done. I am so done.

 

And Dr. Smyth returned before Callie could even open her mouth in reply and Arizona stood up in silence, walked to the door, and left without a backward glance.


End file.
